The Unseen Choreography

Decoding Harmful Patterns and Reclaiming Authenticity in a Changing World

Introduction: The Magnetic Pull of Openness in a Transformative Era

The human spirit, at its purest essence, yearns for authentic connection, for the profound experience of truly seeing and being seen. This deep-seated desire often manifests as an open heart—a courageous inclination to see the best in people, to extend trust, and to offer second chances, even when prudence might suggest caution. It's a beautiful act of vulnerability, an innate drive to build bridges and forge genuine bonds. Yet, the complex reality of human interaction means that this very openness can, at times, become a painful vulnerability. We live in a world where we are all capable of causing harm; there's no perfect victim. Often, those we love hurt us the most, and in turn, we hurt those we love the most.

As our world undergoes profound energetic shifts, a transformation palpable to those of us attuned to its deeper rhythms and aligning with the Astrological and Human Design transitions, we find ourselves in an era where the lines blur. What feels like natural connection can subtly mask insidious patterns of control and manipulation—dynamics that inflict devastating wounds. This exploration focuses particularly on the deep impact these patterns have on those of us whose intrinsic ways of processing the world are unique—those who are neurodivergent—or whose past experiences have etched deep lessons into our perception of safety—trauma survivors.

I want to be clear from the outset: I'm not here to claim moral superiority or to cast judgment; I'm simply noticing. While terms like "narcissism" are often tossed around casually, even dismissively, what we are truly witnessing, both in our personal relationships and on a collective scale, are the tangible manifestations of profound suffering. Energetically, the shadows we haven't yet worked through are playing out, surfacing as intense power struggles, pervasive dynamics of control, and a stark division in consciousness. In this piece, my aim is to illuminate these often-unseen patterns, to validate the experiences of those of us who have and are navigating them, and to foster a deeper awareness of ourselves and others. I suggest pathways that can offer profound healing and the reclamation of our sovereign, authentic selves amidst these turbulent, transformative times, recognizing that cultivating conscious relationships is a shared journey for all of us.

Photo by Malcolm Lightbody on Unsplash

Part One: The Blueprint of Openness

Why the Authenticity Becomes a Target in a Shifting World

To truly comprehend how certain patterns of control and manipulation take root, particularly within the lives of us who are neurodivergent or have experienced complex trauma, we must first delve into the intricacy of our inner worlds where our unique adaptations, at times, sources of profound strength, empathy, and innovation, can paradoxically create specific entry points for insidious dynamics.

For many of us who are neurodivergent, navigating the world's social script can feel akin to deciphering a foreign language. Communication is frequently processed literally, leading to a struggle with the sarcasm, hidden meanings, and indirect cues that those with manipulative tendencies can skillfully weave into interactions. This can make it difficult for us to "read between the lines" of dishonesty, as we often assume congruence where none genuinely exists. Our inherent preference for directness and authenticity, a beautiful quality, often results in a natural inclination to grant the benefit of the doubt, even when actions repeatedly contradict words, simply because truly manipulative intent is often alien to our own way of being. We may struggle with the nuanced interplay of social dynamics, easily becoming disoriented or feeling "wrong," thus rendering us more susceptible to distorted "rules." The very challenges that define our neurodivergent experiences can be amplified, as sensory sensitivities intensify under stress, leading to chronic overwhelm and disorientation. Executive functioning, which might already demand extra effort, can decline catastrophically under the strain of manipulation, making even basic tasks feel insurmountable. This often escalates into a significant increase in the frequency and intensity of meltdowns or shutdowns, leaving us physically and emotionally depleted. The constant demand for masking—the exhausting effort to suppress authentic neurodivergent behaviors—is also a primary tool of control for a manipulator, who exploits this by demanding constant performance and punishing authenticity, intensifying the mask and its internal cost. For those with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), the intense pain of perceived or actual rejection often associated with AuDHD means we are profoundly susceptible to people-pleasing and terrified of displeasing another, creating an additional layer of vulnerability to manipulative control.

Meanwhile, those of us who have experienced complex trauma (CPTSD) often carry invisible wounds that profoundly shape our capacity for connection and our relationship with control. Past experiences of prolonged or repeated interpersonal trauma can systematically erode our innate sense of healthy boundaries. We may never have learned how to identify, assert, or enforce them, or we may harbor a deep, often unconscious, fear of the repercussions of doing so. This vulnerability creates fertile ground for a manipulator, who expertly exploits this lack of boundary enforcement to exert their will and establish dominion. Within the landscape of trauma, "protector parts"—adaptive, often brilliant, coping mechanisms drawn from frameworks like Internal Family Systems—emerge. These internal "managers" or "firefighters" develop strategies such as people-pleasing, excessive compliance, hyper-vigilance, fawning, or emotional numbing, all designed with the singular goal of keeping us safe from perceived threats. Yet, when confronted by another seeking control, these very protectors, working diligently from past programming, can inadvertently facilitate harmful dynamics. A protector might minimize alarming red flags to maintain a fragile sense of perceived safety, or an ingrained desire to avoid conflict might lead to sacrificing our own needs and truth, inadvertently ceding profound control. This intricate dance between manipulative tactics and our well-meaning protectors can create an almost inescapable cycle where the fear of the unknown—of leaving the dynamic—can feel far more dangerous than staying.

This susceptibility is further amplified by the current global energetic shifts. As humanity transitions from the "Cross of Planning" era (dominant for roughly 400 years, focused on collective structures, agreements, and external authority) to the "Cross of the Sleeping Phoenix" (emerging around 2027, emphasizing individual sovereignty, inner truth, and a more spiritual, emotional awareness), the energetic backdrop intensifies. The very breakdown of old structures and the erosion of external reliance creates a void that manipulative tendencies can exploit, as we, feeling unmoored, may desperately seek new forms of "leadership" or "security." Manipulation capitalizes on the collective chaos. The shift towards radical individualism can paradoxically lead to initial alienation as old communal bonds weaken. This vulnerability can make the promise of intense, immediate connection offered by love bombing particularly alluring, as it fills a deep human need for belonging. The emerging energy encourages deeper emotional awareness and facing hidden truths—a process often referred to as collective shadow work. While ultimately liberating, this can bring up vulnerabilities that manipulators exploit, preying on those courageously engaging with their own unworked-through material.

From an esoteric perspective, specifically through the lens of the Law of One, these escalating dynamics can be seen as the intensified interplay between "Service to Self (STS)" and "Service to Others (STO)" orientations, particularly as Earth moves deeper into a 4th Density energetic vibration. Service to Self represents an orientation towards maximizing personal gain, control over others, and extraction of energy for one's own agenda, often with a profound lack of genuine empathy. Manipulative patterns are prime manifestations of this STS drive, prioritizing the will and agenda of the self above all, without true regard for the sovereignty or well-being of others. In contrast, Service to Others is driven by compassion, unity, mutual empowerment, and a desire for the collective good. Neurodivergent individuals, trauma survivors, and those with empathy and a deep yearning for connection, often lean intrinsically towards STO. This very orientation, however, can make STO individuals highly susceptible targets for STS individuals seeking to exploit compassion and gain control. The increased “loudness" of these dynamics is, in this perspective, a reflection of the collective undergoing a purification or acceleration, where unworked-through collective karma and individual shadow material are being brought to the surface for recognition and transmutation. The contrast between STS and STO becomes starker as planetary energies intensify, making the drive for control more apparent. A 4th Density energetic vibration, in this view, implies a heightened awareness and intensity of these choices, making the polarity between self-serving and other-serving actions more pronounced and their consequences more immediate.

Adding another layer of complexity, particularly prevalent in "conscious" or "new age" spaces, is the phenomenon of Spiritual Bypassing. This is the use of spiritual practices, beliefs, or language to avoid genuine emotional processing, psychological wounds, unresolved developmental tasks, and personal accountability. It often manifests as "positive vibes only" mandates, prematurely forgiving harm, or denying our own anger, pain, or righteous boundaries. This very environment can create fertile ground for manipulative dynamics: a culture that shuns "negative" emotions or conflict makes it incredibly difficult to call out harmful behavior or hold individuals accountable, allowing manipulators to operate unchecked and maintain control. Pressure to "love and light" or "manifest your reality" can lead us to internalize blame for the dynamics ("I created this experience") or to prematurely forgive a perpetuator of harm, thereby denying our own valid anger and crucial need to establish healthy boundaries. This practice actively robs us of our agency and reinforces the other's control. A desire for spiritual growth can also foster uncritical acceptance of figures who claim heightened wisdom or spiritual authority, rendering us susceptible to their charismatic control and exploitation. Red flags, in such contexts, might be rationalized away as "my lesson," "their journey," or "part of the divine plan," preventing clear discernment. Neurodivergent and trauma-informed individuals, often inherently drawn to spaces of perceived openness and healing due to their Service to Others orientation, are particularly vulnerable here, as spiritual bypassing implicitly teaches us to suppress our discernment and accept harm. This toxic synergy provides a perfect cover for individuals operating from a Service to Self orientation, allowing their manipulative patterns to flourish under the guise of "spiritual enlightenment" and control.

Part Two: The Unseen Wounds

The Profound Damage Inflicted

The insidious nature of harmful dynamics and patterns of manipulation carves deep, often invisible, wounds, particularly within the sensitive landscapes of neurodivergent individuals and trauma survivors. The relentless effort to navigate a relationship with another who seeks control, coupled with the ongoing energetic shifts, exacts a devastating toll that goes far beyond surface-level conflict.

Perhaps the most devastating impact is the erosion of identity and the insidious creeping of self-doubt. Through consistent gaslighting—a systematic psychological manipulation that makes us question our own memory, perception, and sanity—the manipulator steadily chips away at our reality. This process often plunges the target into a state of abjection, a term coined by Julia Kristeva. Abjection, in this context, describes a profound psychological and emotional experience where what is familiar and integral to one's sense of self becomes foreign, repulsive, and cast out. It's the horror of encountering something that threatens the very boundaries of identity, system, and order.

For neurodivergent individuals among us, who may already struggle with decoding subtle social cues or trusting our own interpretation of complex interactions, this constant undermining is particularly damaging. The manipulator's goal is to make us question our inherent ways of being, to feel like our natural expressions, sensitivities, and needs are "too much," "wrong," or fundamentally unacceptable—qualities to be abjected from the self in order to appease the other. This external pressure to become something undesirable, combined with the internal struggle to maintain self-cohesion, leads to an agonizing internal battle, making us believe we are fundamentally flawed or "too sensitive." This insidious process also fuels internalized ableism, reinforcing negative messages about our neurodivergence, whispering "I'm too much," "I'm always wrong," or "I'm broken," ultimately aligning our internal voice with the devaluing narrative of control. The constant need to mask, to perform an acceptable version of self for the other's demands, slowly erases our authentic selves, leading to a profound loss of identity and connection to one's true essence, pushing us further into a state of self-abjection to avoid the manipulator's rejection.

For trauma survivors among us (especially those with CPTSD), the harmful dynamic can trigger a painful re-traumatization. The ongoing, insidious nature of the manipulation directly re-activates past wounds, reinforcing dysfunctional coping mechanisms and deepening the existing trauma. The other's tactics often mirror previous traumatic dynamics, making the current experience feel eerily familiar and even harder to escape. This can severely worsen existing CPTSD symptoms, leading to increased anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional dysregulation, and a pervasive sense of unsafety even when physically removed from the dynamic. The very healthy emotional responses or boundaries that are violated in trauma can become internally abjected by the survivor as a defense mechanism, deemed "unsafe" or "unacceptable" due to the repeated harm.

This unrelenting psychological and energetic drain culminates in neurodivergent burnout—a state far more profound and debilitating than typical stress or fatigue. It is a chronic exhaustion born from the continuous effort of masking, managing sensory overload, relentlessly attempting to regulate emotions under duress, and navigating a relationship characterized by constant demands for adaptation without genuine reciprocity. Unlike typical burnout, recovery is often a prolonged journey for us, marked by deep physical and mental depletion, temporary loss of previously managed skills, and a heightened intensity of neurodivergent traits.

Moreover, the manipulator actively seeks to isolate, systematically eroding our support networks and making us more dependent on them. This isolation, combined with the profound erosion of trust in ourselves and others, makes it incredibly difficult for us to form genuine, healthy connections in the future. We learn to fear intimacy, to question everyone's motives, and to doubt our own discernment. The chronic stress of living under such control also manifests in tangible physical and mental health impacts, including heightened anxiety, chronic depression, various physical ailments, and even chronic illness, as the body remains in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

Part Three: When Harm Finds a Way

A Call for Self-Reflection and Shared Accountability

The landscape of human connection is rarely a simple dichotomy of villain and victim. While the devastating impact of narcissistic patterns of control is undeniable, a deeper awareness compels us to acknowledge a more complex truth: we are all capable of causing harm, and in the intricate dance of relationships, there is no perfect victim. Often, a painful paradox emerges where those we love hurt us the most, and in turn, we too, sometimes inadvertently, wound those we hold dear. This understanding is not meant to diminish the profound suffering inflicted by malicious intent, but rather to illuminate the nuanced ways harm is woven into human interaction, inviting a profound call for self-reflection and shared accountability.

Harm manifests across a broad spectrum, from overt, deliberate acts of cruelty and calculated manipulation to unintentional slights, miscommunications, or the activation of unhealed wounds that ripple outwards. In moments of stress, fear, or when our own unmet needs drive our behavior, we can unwittingly perpetuate patterns that cause pain to others, even those we deeply care for. Our own "protector parts," honed through past traumas or difficult life experiences, designed to keep us safe, might lash out defensively, withdraw, or attempt to assert a subtle form of control when feeling threatened, creating unintentional harm in the process. Recognizing this shared human fallibility—that harm can be a product of both intention and unawareness, of systemic pressures and personal reactivity—becomes a vital step in transforming our relational landscape.

This introspection is particularly crucial when navigating dynamics of control and manipulation. While some individuals consciously employ these tactics, others may operate from ingrained, unexamined patterns, driven by deep insecurities, unhealed trauma, or even by a distorted understanding of how power operates. As we develop greater awareness, we begin to see that such patterns are not always a clear-cut case of one "bad" person and one "good" person. Instead, we recognize the subtle ways we might participate in dynamics, perhaps by enabling, by having porous boundaries, or by unconsciously seeking external validation—behaviors that, while born of our own vulnerabilities, can inadvertently contribute to the perpetuation of cycles of harm. This might even involve an unconscious abjection of our own needs or desires to maintain a perceived (albeit false) sense of harmony or safety within the relationship.

The invitation here is not to blame ourselves for what we've endured, but to acknowledge our own capacity for contribution to relational dynamics. It is to courageously ask: "Where have I, perhaps unknowingly, participated in or perpetuated patterns that caused pain, either to myself or others?" or "How might my own unhealed shadows contribute to the relational dances I find myself in?" This kind of radical self-honesty, free from self-flagellation, is a powerful act of sovereignty. It moves us beyond the confines of victimhood into a realm of empowered agency, where we can take responsibility for our own growth, regardless of the choices others make. By recognizing that the drive for awareness extends to all sides of a dynamic, we unlock the potential for truly conscious relationships—relationships built not on the fragile foundation of assumed perfection, but on the resilient bedrock of shared humanity, empathy, and a mutual commitment to growth.

Part Four: Towards Healing and Reclaiming Sovereignty

The journey through dynamics of harmful control and manipulation is one of profound courage and dedicated self-reclamation. It is a path of peeling back layers of conditioning and trauma, meticulously rebuilding trust, and re-establishing an unshakeable connection to one's authentic self. This is true for all of us who have navigated these complexities, but particularly for those of us who are neurodivergent or have a history of complex trauma. This healing process is rarely linear, yet each step is a powerful act of defiance against the forces that sought to control and diminish.

A fundamental cornerstone of this healing journey is radical validation. This means recognizing, deeply and unequivocally, that any harm we experienced was indeed real, not a personal failing or a figment of our imagination. It means believing our own experience, even when external narratives, or even our own internalized voices, attempted to tell us otherwise. This internal validation forms the base upon which all other healing is built, allowing us to move from questioning our reality to affirming our truth.

Crucially, reclaiming sovereignty involves the deliberate act of setting and holding clear, firm boundaries. For many of us with a history of trauma or neurodivergent experiences that can make social navigation complex, boundaries may be a foreign concept or something we learned to abandon for perceived safety. Yet, boundaries aren't about controlling another person; they are about protecting our own energetic and emotional integrity. This is often an iterative and challenging process, as old patterns, both in ourselves and others, may relentlessly test them, but each boundary consciously held is a profound reclamation of personal power and self-respect.

For those still navigating active entanglement, strategic disengagement becomes a vital tool for creating necessary space and safety. This may involve implementing low-contact or, ideally, no-contact strategies. Techniques like the "grey rock" method, where we become as uninteresting and unresponsive as a grey rock, offering no emotional "supply" to the other, can be a temporary lifeline in situations where full no-contact isn't immediately possible. Prioritizing our peace and minimizing exposure to harmful influences is paramount for beginning the internal work of healing.

Central to healing, particularly for those of us who tend to internalize blame or shame, is the practice of radical self-compassion. This involves actively counteracting the insidious whispers of internalized narratives that the dynamics may have instilled. Understanding that our neurodivergent traits and trauma responses are sophisticated adaptations born of attempts to survive—not flaws or weaknesses—is key. It is about extending the same kindness, understanding, and patience to ourselves that we would offer to a cherished friend. This also involves gently and compassionately befriending our protector parts. These internal facets, often active during times of threat, tirelessly worked to keep us safe, and may initially resist new ways of being because those actions feel risky. Healing involves acknowledging their wisdom, thanking them for their service, and reassuring them that the external threat is diminishing, allowing them to relax and integrate into a more cohesive and authentic self.

The search for external support becomes a discerning one. It is vital to seek out trauma-informed and neurodiversity-affirming support. This means connecting with therapists, coaches, support groups, or communities who truly understand the intricate dynamics of harmful patterns, the complexities of CPTSD, and the unique wiring of neurodivergent brains. Such support acknowledges the systemic nature of the harm and helps us process it without re-traumatization or invalidation. This discernment is especially critical in spaces where spiritual bypassing might unintentionally reinforce victim-blaming or encourage premature forgiveness, thereby delaying true healing. Recognizing spiritual bypassing within ourselves or others allows us to pivot towards genuine emotional processing and accountability, fostering environments of true psychological safety.

Finally, the healing journey culminates in the courageous act of rebuilding trust. This is a slow, intentional process that begins with learning to trust our own instincts and perceptions again after they have been systematically undermined. It then extends to selectively rebuilding healthy connections with others, discerning who is truly operating from a Service to Others orientation and who genuinely respects our sovereignty and well-being. This re-engagement is built on a foundation of fierce self-trust and clear boundaries, ensuring future connections are rooted in authentic exchange rather than exploitation, and allowing us to reclaim healthy internal control over our lives and choices.

Conclusion

Navigating the unseen choreography of harmful patterns in a rapidly transforming world is a challenging yet profoundly necessary journey. For neurodivergent individuals and trauma survivors, understanding these dynamics and the deep wounds they inflict is the first step toward reclaiming agency and authenticity. By embracing radical self-validation, establishing firm boundaries, cultivating self-compassion, and seeking truly affirming support, we can dismantle the subtle forces of control and step into our sovereign selves. The path to conscious relationships is a shared one, built on mutual respect and genuine connection, and it begins with our own courageous commitment to healing and truth.